If you’ve read my bio, you already know that I do not have an athletic background. If you’ve read some of my blog posts, you already know that I’ve had issues with body image and confidence.

A few months ago, I did a training program that consisted of shorter and simple, but very intense workouts of double kettlebell swings and cleans or double kettlebell presses and squats. My basement home gym gets really hot so I work out in a sports bra and shorts; not my typical attire for teaching classes. And when I train, I sometimes use the mirror so I can check my technique.

One day on this program, as I was watching my clean technique, I had for lack of a better term, an out-of-body experience.

I see myself doing these skilled movements with two heavy kettlebells and while it’s clearly me, I almost can’t comprehend how this person I see in the mirror can possibly be me. I mean, really skilled athletes and trainers do these movements; people I admire, like Keira Newton, Andrea DuCane, Beth Andrews, and of course Pavel himself. (and a host of other amazing trainers!) But here I am, doing these movements with a high level of skill that keeps me “earning my keep” as a Level 2 RKC instructor.

To some extent, I still see myself as this kid:

(Proof that I was indeed the clumsy and awkward kid I claimed to be!)

I know full well that lots of hard work and a dedicated practice is exactly how I became the person I am today; the person that can move this way, do these kettlebell exercises with a high level of skill and lift these big weights. But at the same time, I’ll sometimes catch a glimpse of myself and wonder how I got here or think things like “wow, that’s me?” or “wow, my technique looks as good as…”

It’s a strange phenomenon that I can’t quite put into words that will make sense. It’s like an out-of-body experience, yet I’m very much present, focused and in the moment.

Is it because kettlebells have changed me so much, inside and out, in such a short amount of time? Especially as compared to the amount of time I spent in the body and the mind of that girl you see above? Maybe? Probably?

Who really knows for sure. But one thing I DO KNOW is that person I see in the mirror now is indeed me, doing these amazing things.

I hope you find your “out-of-body experience” too!